1) In this case, the applicant had been working in a pharmacy, but decided to stop for the summer and waitress instead to earn additional income:
Life is about choices and their consequences. Hopefully my choice to waitress rather than work in the pharmacy this summer will be viewed as a chance to refine my social and communication skills with people from all walks of life.
Admissions: I would avoid mentioning your choice to waitress rather than working in the pharmacy. You can write about your pharmacy experience in your personal statement without any reference to your decision this past summer. It simply isn't necessary to point this out and it will probably give the committee a reason to doubt your commitment to pharmacy. Make the reviewer focus on what you have (pharmacy experience) rather than pointing out what I would consider to be a questionable choice. Simply state you have pharmacy experience and leave it at at that.
2) In this case, the applicant is trying to make the point that pharmacists are an important part of the health care team. I disagreed with the method in which it was conveyed.
After a visit to the doctor, the next step is to visit the local pharmacy to get the required medication necessary to get you well. Initially, you would think that the person behind the counter handing you your pills has a pretty simple job. However, the responsibilities and duties of a Pharmacist are vital to the health of an ill individual.
Admissions: This comment caused me some heartburn on the applicant's behalf: "Initially, you would think that the person behind the counter handing you your pills has a pretty simple job."
Please remember your audience. Some of the readers of this statement (referred to as "you") are very likely pharmacists and probably do not think this your statement is accurate. Some might even be offended at the inference. From time to time we will read a statement that makes a sweeping generalization that sinks like a lead balloon. Why a pharmacy school applicant would use an example implying that the public thinks poorly of the profession of pharmacy is beside me. I strongly recommended changing this paragraph. The message can be conveyed without the aforementioned sentence.
Thanks again to everyone. We will try to post as often as we can as the October PCAT beckons and interview season begins.